The Onion does advertising law

I've learned from painful experience to clarify: The Onion is a satirical publication.  (Not that it's necessarily a mistake to assume that American law is hard to believe.)  Its latest offering: FDA Relaxes Definition of Smoothie.  Meanwhile, milk producers are petitioning the FDA to be allowed to add artificial sweeteners and call the results "milk," the same way that milk sweetened with sugar can be, so that kids will drink more artificially sweetened milk.  And that's true.